Possibly the Funniest Shit I've Heard all Year

I'm gon get some ass Durty Jersey Sty'le, bruh. I'ma putta colla and a tail onner and chase'uh around da yard. - Durty Jerz

Greedy Ass Uber Capitalist Quotes of The Day

Sometimes you gotta pick up your skirt, grab your balls and go make some money! -AC

In the end, who gives a FLYING fuck!!! There not paying our bills. - AC

The End of The Beginning

So I've had a lot that's been going on with me lately. Over the past few months I've had a stellar run at work. I've been kicking a lotta ass and taking multiple names. I moved out of my parents basement into apartment with my roommate who is also my real estate partner. I've gotten back into real estate investing hard core.

The decision to do this wasn't really a decision at all. It was more akin to answering a call. One of the things I love and appreciate about The Big Homie the most is that he refuses to let me give up on my dreams. At the age of 23, I wrote down that on my February 7th, 2009, the day of my 30th birthday, I would take full ownership of my time and retire. 2 years ago around this time that was the farthest thing from my mind. 2 years ago this time I was contemplating was life worth living. In retrospect, this was extreme but I have a much different perspective on life now then I did then. Back then I just wanted to quit. It seemed as if the world didn't really have a place for my dream. The thought of living my life without living my dreams left me lifeless.

2 years later, I effectively see the light at the end of the tunnel. Being so caught up in my day to day affairs I was struck by an odd and humbling realization: My dream is still possible. I can't say that I've always been a model of perserverence. Truthfully, I've effectively hid my head in the sand for months at a times. It seems that whenever I was ready to quit or forget some "coincidince" (which I'm sure I just misspelled) kept me afloat and cogniscent of the dream.

And for that reason I'm extremely humbled & grateful

As an aside/tip, God loves to communicate via coinky-dinks. So you'll do well to pay attention to them.

Back to things appearing on the horizon that make me uber-grateful for life. Moving out of my parents house has opened up some fresh perspectives. Having my own space has allowed me to appreciate so many things that I once took for granted. Solitude, smoking in peace, coming & going w/out worrying about anyone worrying, being able to entertain company, playing my music as loud as I want etc... ad infinitum. When you are in someone else's space, you have to repress yourself in certain ways to peacefully coexist.

I had completely forgotten how good it is to be me.

And as I begin on the quest for complete personal autonomy. I can't wait to see what other wonderful thing I've forgotten about me.

Quotes from the Car Lot Doce (XII), Dawg

It's been a while. New cast. Same Madness. Without further adieu...


Cuz sometaimes, u gotta put dem hoez in da freezer. - Buffalo Dude explaining the importance of cutting a broad off when she actin up

The Heathen: Cluuuub Tra-peze!!!
The Beast: What's Club Trapeze?
The Heathen: Ohhhhh, Brotha!!! You're about to go deep down tha rabbit hole?
The Beast: What the fuck is da rabbit hole ?!?!?
The Heathen: You aint never seen Alice in Wonderland?
The Beast: Look, dawg. I told you i aint on know gay shit!!!

The ass you save JUST might be your own - Durty Jersey

Hey, whether you buy this car or not it doesn't matter to me. I'm gon eat regardless. - Our Operations Manager.

EVERY conversation with a woman should end with the same two words .... Yes, Dear. - excerpts of Durty Jersey preaching the gospel of Total Dominion.

Ma'am you're a 480 beacon, You've never paid anyone in your life. This car is a favor. Now, do you want the favor? - Sak Passe!!! Haitian Jack enlightening an unruly bogue on her limited financial options.

Ah dunno whaa he handed me dis buuulshit. Dis ain no car deal. - MoneyMakinMitch looking at some bogalicious credit.

I remember the day I knew it was over for me. My ex-wife, her sisters, her mother were all over for Thanksgiving dinner. And I told them, U see that black box outside with the numbas on it. Dat's a MAILbox notta BALLOTbox!!! NUNNA U BITCHES GETTA VOTE. DID IS MY HOUSE!!! - Durty Jersey laying down his own personal brand of Total Dominion

Look...Birds fly. Fish swim. Women submit. - The Heathen dumbing down Total Dominion to it's rudiments.

If you ever wanted to catch me, all you gotta do is bait dat trap w/ pussy. - The Dent Guy

I'm puttin my feet on the rope, I'm grabbin a handful of tights. Whatever it takes, Dey gettin pinned today. - The Heathen illustrating his hunger to sell.

Sometimes this business can only be adequately described w/ pro-wrestling metaphors. And yes we really do talk like this and yes I sold 3 cars that day with that mentality